“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”—Albert Ellis Cathy, a full-time caregiver to her husband of 44 years, felt like a victim. Cathy’s husband, a sixty-seven-year-old brittle diabetic, had suffered a mild stroke but had recovered and doing well. Lately, however, Cathy experienced stubborn resistance from her husband to everything she tried to do to manage his health regimen, the household chores, and money. Cathy felt frustrated and resentful and said: “I am waiting for things to get…

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”—Rabindranath Tagore The above quote summarizes how I felt when caring for my dear loved one during his illness. Joy. So, imagine how I felt when reading the following comments posted to my Caregivers Hub Support Group: “Will we EVER get to spend time with anyone besides this old man? I’m thinking I will die before my 94-year-old father does. I need out of this! I have nothing left.” Priscilla “I’m in the same situation. I’m 74 and mother if 98. That generation is tough, and was not…

“We will be more successful in all endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.” –Thigh Nhat Hanh Towers Watson, a leading global professional services company that helps organizations improve performance through competent people, risk, and financial management, revealed its latest “Health, Well-Being, and Productivity” survey. The survey showed that of those employers able to measure well-being, 86 percent thought that stress caused by excessive workload or extended hours was the most significant to health and well-being. Do You Agree? Consider these facts: Fact 1:…

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in yourself! If you think success, you will be successful. Apply to your problems such Bible text as ‘If you have faith…nothing shall be impossible for you.’”—Dr. Norman Vincent Peale (1889-1993) Are there parts of your self-concept with which you aren’t happy? Do you expect to be rejected by others? Do you evaluate your performance less favorably than others? Do you feel threatened by people you view as superior in some way? You might have an inferiority complex if you answered yes to these questions. Alfred Adler (1870-1937), psychologist and founder of the school of Individual Psychology, coined the term “inferiority complex,” which he described…

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.”—Christina Baldwin Are you a family caregiver? If so, how does caring for an ill loved one make you feel? Do you feel lonely? Do you feel fearful and uncertain? Do you feel grief, which is the opposite of joy? You are on an emotional rollercoaster. Caring for an ailing loved one can be overwhelming, thoroughly exhausting—stressful, and rewarding. Meet Doug: “I do not complain. I am a caregiver to both my wife, Ann, age seventy-three, and my dad, Walter, age ninety-four, and I consider it an honor and privilege to serve them both. “My wife had had a collapsed lung and had…

“The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.”—Dalai Lama Someone has triggered you—hit your “hot buttons,” and now you feel all riled up that your heart rate speeds up, and your skin perspires. You experience anger, resentment, frustration, or other negative emotions. Before you know it, you find yourself off on an emotional rollercoaster. Ugh! Why can’t you be happy!? Is that so hard?? Good news! You can choose how to feel. Meet Lillian: “I have been taking care of Mom and Dad for nearly twelve years now. Six years have been 24/7 living with Mom and…

“I am living in hell from one day to the next. But there is nothing I can do to escape. I don’t know where I would go if I did. I feel utterly powerless, and that feeling is my prison. I entered of my own free will, I locked the door, and I threw away the key.” –Haruki Murakami In trying to decide on a new topic of interest to older (boomer) women (born 1946-1964), I found the National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW) website (https://nabbw.com) that listed about 50 forums just for this cohort. I was curious and scrolled down and found “Domestic Violence.” This forum surprised me.…

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”—Henry David Thoreau I chatted with a dear friend the other day who had always been single, in her mid-sixties, about being alone. She had this to say: “I’ve led an active life with many friends. I have mentored many young women during my long 30-year career and even shared my experience with several men. “But because of my strong independent streak, I have never been in a long-term relationship with a guy since my late twenties. “Even now, after having had major hip surgery, while I find it difficult to do some stuff myself, I own my own home…

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”—Albert Schweitzer Meet Barbara: “Rant alert! As if caring for your loved ones through terminal illness or behavior issues isn’t bad enough—or even navigating systems that promise to offer help but are broken, at best. But what gets me is when your f*****g siblings can’t find any f*****g compassion or consideration to give you a f*****g chance to get back up on your feet after being knocked down time and time again for years—whether it be emotionally, physically, financially, or mentally. “My mum moved into residential care two weeks ago, and she…

“Becoming is better than being.”—Carol Dweck Mindset is a way of thinking. I watched Lisa Nichol’s show recently, and she had as her guest Shawn Stevenson, nutritionist, and bestselling author. I was so impressed with Shawn’s presentation that I was moved to write this article based on what he claims are our two most valuable assets: our mind (not our brain) and our health. The brain and the mind are not the same things. As discussed on researchgate.net, “The brain is an organ, but the mind isn’t. The brain is the physical place where the mind resides. “The mind is the manifestation of thought, perception, emotion, determination, memory, and imagination…